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Gustav Johnson

Sketch No. 34 (Based on children's melodies)

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Hi! For solo piano, based on two children's melodies (I bet you'll never guess 'em... ­čśť┬áhaha). Thoughts about improvements are super welcome! (PDF included)

#GettingBackToMusic

 

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My only improvement for you is to do more, they are fun, well written, funny rythms, dynamics, it's good! I like it

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Nicely done. Two things I can think of immediately.
1. Main melody might get a little too rhythmically hectic too quickly. Lots of push and pull.
2. The E-flat modulation... from the initial change to C minor, it made E-flat just sound like III (T2 in a phrase model), so the new section came off a bit awkward.

  • Thanks 1

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Thanks yall ­čÖé

Monarcheon thanks for the tips I'll see if I can puzzle out that transition especially!

P.s. Luis did I hear something about you being sick recently? 

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Posted (edited)

Yes, thanks for asking. I got coronavirus. It was very serious, three weeks in a coma, two months in the hospital. Now under respirarory rehabilitation. It will take some months to recover. Take care...

Edited by Luis Hernández

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Hi Gustav,

This is a good start. There are a lot of ideas here, and I think you can really expand on them.  The reason I say this is because the material before before and after mm 20 does not seem to connect in any meaningful manner. What is the purpose of measure 17-20 given the material after? Given the almost mysterious and dramatic music in those measures, you almost have to expand on that material. 

Then there is the second part. Why the sudden change of material here? It almost sounds like an idea for two different pieces? Are you planning on connecting the two somehow later?  Then, even more confusing is the rush to end the piece with a straight up PAC (V-I cadence). Why rush to it? Draw that material out! Give it a chance to breathe and expand, I can easily see another 30 measures of material here.

In any case, I look forward to see how you continue with this.

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Thanks morgri! This was a brainstorming exercise in AB form, just to get me out of a slump since I haven't composed in a couple months ­čś× thanks for the feedback, I'm working on tuning up the piece and I'll keep your thoughts in mind as I work ­čśü

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Hi, I've been listening again to this piece.

I understand every opinion, but sometime I feel there is a little obsessive desire of expanding and expanding. What's wrong with small pieces? Many times, I prefer to show the musical idea or ideas and that's all. Other times yes, I think some works suit for longer development.

On the other hand, two sections can be as different as you want. But, the more different they are, the more elaborated transition-connection you need. In fact, you made some sort of transition in m. 17-20 introducing the triplets... Perhaps it could have been worked more extensively. When you have two parts, there is a method to connect them... Changing one item or element at a time, one by one, no matter if the transition part becomes long (it has to be interesting too). Those elements can be: texture, pitch (range), timbre (if you are in an orchestral set), dynamics, punctuation, etc... If you make it as a whole, the result is rough.

I think the modulation here is a bit "confusing" because you modulate to Eb via Cm some measures befores. ... Doesn't it break the actual moment of the change?

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Hey guys!

First, BIG thanks for your comments! I worked for more days than I expected to revise this sketch, here's the final product: (pdf should be attached also)

 

PDF

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