I'm not going to claim I know how this works harmonically, but the fermata end sections at 13 and 16 (and the recapitulation) broke the flow, and not in a Hungarian dance kind of way. Measure 36, trill from a D# to Eb?
I actually was writing these before the whole autumn competition thing was even thought of. I stopped halfway because it grew very tiresome and there were many things that I wanted to rethink about.
N.B.: Variation X isn't some postmodernist concept music; I literally just erased what was on there.
I agree with what Monarcheon said regarding how the harmony comes across as a listener:
A lot of it has to do with how you set up the low voices. Not just the bass, but all parts playing in that range. I've been experimenting with this myself and it's helping me begin to understand how I can affect my harmony just with how I space the voices. A nice exercise I do to explore those sounds is playing the same triad--for example C major--in root position: CEG. Then I'll shift it to first inversion and second inversion. Next I'll put the notes farther apart, for example C-G-E, and repeat the inversions with that spacing. I'll work through that a little bit, playing each in arpeggios and block chords before adding extensions and starting all over. I'm now beginning to see how spacing the harmony affects the way we hear it, and how I can use to that achieve certain sounds like convincing the audience it's a C minor chord instead of an Eb extension.
Hope this helps, it's quite a lovely piece to listen to in terms of sound and construction. Keep up the good work! :)